I hope everyone is having the holiday season they desire! I for one have been sick with the flu and a broken heart...I won't go into details about the broken heart situation since it may come off as unnecessary whining. Still, it hurts :(
So my friends, in my last episode of sharing I left off with the details of my religion. As stated previously, I began exploring my creative nature and started a little painting business of my own. In addition to painting, I've always loved music and singing. In fact when I was around 8 years old I declared that I wanted to be an artist/ movie star/ musician/hippie. This was in many ways a result of a visit to San Francisco. We went there during the height of the hippie phenomenon in the 60's and my fate was sealed...I guess :) Oh wait! Come to think of it, my desire to be a famous singer was actually ignited a little earlier when watching The Wizard of Oz. Judy Garland singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was my earliest inspiration, I would force people to sit down and listen to me sing that song. Coincidentally, Judy Garland and I share the same birthday. Yep, Judy and I go way back :)
Back on track now. Circa 1996, I started writing songs. It's strange to want something so much when being a young girl, and then do nothing to nurture the desire. I just let it die...until 1996. Then I started writing like crazy. Amidst this creative expression there was something else lingering inside me, though I wasn't aware of it. My spiritual self wasn't being satisfied. My marriage wasn't working. Well, actually we were getting along splendidly as a sort of brother/sister couple. As a "married" couple, however, we really needed help. So I left. The whole thing. The religion, the marriage, all my friends...goodbye.
I had been renting a workspace in an antique store to do my art and there was a loft upstairs. I moved in and took my daughter (10 years old at the time) with me. My son was 19 and stayed with my husband. Drastic huh? In my own defense, I did seek help while in my marriage. It just wasn't enough of the right kind of help...in my opinion. Looking back I can see how selfish I behaved. I just couldn't do any better at the time. I spent 17 years with the same man, FAITHFUL I might add. After trying my best, I couldn't try any more. That was 1997.
Next week I will tell you about my conversation with God (or someone doing a good impersonation) This took place in September 2001. It's cool, I promise! I'm hoping to post a photo of a new creation this weekend so check back :}
Peace and Love,
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I have not forgotten about my commitment to blog every Thursday. I've been sick and will be back here next week to pick up where I left off on my "Authentic Thursday" post. I love sharing with you!
Posted by femme hesse at 11:56 PM
Thursday, December 16, 2010
And the winner is....Alison Fairchild! Please contact me and let me know which of the paintings you want.
Thank you all who entered the drawing, and I hope you've received your calendars already. I still have some to mail out so if you haven't received yours, you will have it by next week :)
Posted by femme hesse at 2:24 PM
Thursday, December 9, 2010
All I can say is it's a darn good thing I don't blog for a living. I can barely write one post a week, forget trying to write every day!
This week I'm going to blast through 17 years of my life (1980-1997) and hopefully by next week I can bring this "story of my life" up to the present.
As I was saying last week, I began discussing the Bible with a friend (who later became my husband) which lead to my studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses (the religion he was raised in.) I spent the next 17 years as a devout JW, actively participating in all of the aspects which are associated with it, including going door to door and preaching about the Kingdom of God. It feels really strange to be writing about this topic. Having since left that religion, I have typically maintained a certain amount of privacy or anonymity when it comes to actually naming my previous religion. My beliefs now are quite different from when I was a Jehovah's Witness, though I have no regrets for having once been one.
In hindsight I can see how I desperately needed something very absolute during that part of my life. I was completely lost and the structure provided by this religion gave me something safe to believe in. It's interesting to me now when I realize how often times, when we have a profound awakening associated with religion or God, we can assume this is the ONLY way to God. This is the ONLY truth. I no longer believe this, but I understand this is how it occurs to many believers.
In my 2nd marriage I gave birth to another child and my husband also had 2 daughters from a previous marriage. Counting my son, his 2 daughters, and the daughter we had together, we raised 4 children. I can honestly say we did our best to provide a loving home to our children. At the same time we were in so many ways completely dysfunctional!
During those years I started tapping into my creativity. I did alot of sewing for my daughters, and also began painting furniture for our home. I would find old junk furniture and paint it an antique green or pink (of course!) and eventually I attempted to paint roses on them. This eventually lead me to selling my painted furniture to stores throughout the Los Angeles area. I started doing this as a business in 1994.
Ok, I think that will be it for now. Next week brings a rather drastic turn of events, so please come back :)
Posted by femme hesse at 9:03 PM
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Just a little reminder to purchase your calendar before December 15th to be entered in the drawing to win a painting! For details, click on the link that says "2011 Calendar" at the top of the page
If you prefer, you can order a poster without the calendar and still be entered in the drawing...let me know and I will be happy to accommodate you !
Peace and Love,
Posted by femme hesse at 8:24 PM
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I got swept up in the holiday and missed posting last week. Here I am back on track.
I am finding this to be a trippy and cool experience, reviewing my past in a public fashion. I still have trouble typing, it hurts my wrists. I hope to eventually get a device for voice recording and avoid typing altogether!
Last week I left off with the divorce from my first husband. There is something I didn't mention about that period of my life. Husband #1 introduced me to certain Christian beliefs. He was particularly interested in the book of Revelation and "the time of the end." I was amazed to discover people actually read the Bible. I'm sure it was my first time to pick one up. It felt so special in my hands. We visited a few churches, though never became members of any of them. We just sat around drinking mad dog 20/20 and interpreting things like the Antichrist, 666, and anything else that was particularly frightening. I remember telling my Mother that the world would be ending soon. She responded by saying, "oh I guess I shouldn't bother replacing the light bulb in the kitchen, what with the world ending and all." Gotta love that woman :)
Christianity would have to wait. I still had some partying to do. After leaving my husband, I did just that. I became a young single mother with definite alcoholic tendencies. I'm not fond of reviewing this season of my journey. I was completely selfish when it came to doing what I wanted. My desire to drink and "be loved" outweighed my maternal responsibilities. Who wants to get up in the morning and fix your child breakfast when you've got a massive hangover? Not this 19 year old Mommy.
I continued on this course for a few years until I had a conversation with a friend who would eventually become Husband #2. One night in 1980, after watching the Lakers win the championship, and throwing back some beers, we started discussing the Bible. Here we go again!
More about that next week...
Posted by femme hesse at 8:53 PM